It's been quiet here, for a while. I've been caught up in emotions surrounding my grandmother's death. Thinking about death, passing on. Thinking, too, inevitably, about life. Trying to see what matters most. While I still can. While I'm still free to choose - of sorts - what I fret about, what makes me smile, what touches me.
It's been... hard, of course. But it's also been - ENERGY. I felt like I was high, almost; and then I'd feel heavy, too, and... consequential. Vibrating, spinning.
Of course, meanwhile, life goes on, and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster striking a balance between my emotions and scheduled events like diapers, food, opening the curtains ;) But you know what?! There is beauty in the mundane! Sometimes it takes a shock to the system to see it, but there is comfort in the motions, the ebb and flow of daily life. I've been focusing on what I have and feel as opposed to perpetually wishing for more hours in a day, and it's been... invigorating!
I know it will wear off, a little. Pettiness will take over again, a little. After all, this is life. I wouldn't have the energy to stand on serious crossroads taking stock all the time. Besides, taking stock isn't living, as such, either. I need to make stock, of sorts, in order to take stock, is what I'm saying. But I'm open, you know? For the first time in a long while, I'm saying - I feel strong! I'm ready! Bring it on!
How are you feeling? :)