Thursday, December 31, 2009


I grew up with... Well, without music, pretty much. My mom never had much time for it, really, and that was that. One of her standard jokes: "A CD? But I already have a CD!" I'm not denying I was around before CD players were, but it's emblematic. My dad never played his Stones collection in front of her, or us, for that matter. In my memory, the soundtrack to my childhood consists of tediously monotonous football results on the car radio driving back from my grandparents on assorted Sundays.

I got my first radio/cassette player when I was around 13 years old. From my mom's first salary going back to work, incidentally. It's not that she is 'against music', she just doesn't have an innate need for it, like I do :-) So that was the end of my life without music. I haven't looked back since. Squirt hears music on a daily basis. I still miss that I didn't. He might grow up to think my taste in music is pathetically old-fashioned, but he'll know what it's like to soundtrack your life, accidentally.

Who knows? He might even buy me a CD for a birthday one day!

Friday, December 25, 2009


Squirt eats a tomato with his lunch every day. He loves them. But to be honest, he's not that fussy about food in general. Yet. I'm knocking on unvarnished wood here, like mad.

Yesterday, I gave him a couple of Pure & Honest brand cherry tomatoes. To be fair, they were really good! No cheating, ingredient-wise, when it comes to tomatoes. Squirt was chew-suck-chewing quite seriously. Not a smile to be coaxed from him. He was looking at me accusingly the whole time.

I swear he was thinking, in so many words: "Where have you been hiding this good stuff all of my life?!"

tall tales

Squirt is a very talkative little man. He babble-babble-babbles away, and he's not shy about it either! This past week, at least three passing strangers asked him what he was trying to say. I told them that I would very much like to know, too. But that was form. I didn't want them to feel silly about not understanding. It's all a matter of being plugged in, you know! Yesterday afternoon, for example, he told me he loved the new Moke CD (The Long & Dangerous Sea), but wasn't too sure about Muse (The Resistance).
You're thinking that's all just projection? Not true. I liked both CDs on first play.


Baby Boy is no longer a baby, really. I might not want him to grow so fast, but he does. Henceforth (yes, really!) he will be known as Squirt :-)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


I'm drinking lemon scented tea... I'm wearing a scarf! And eventhough it is freezing outside, I'm enjoying the tea, and the scarf is - horror! - purely for decorational purposes!
OMG! I'm turning into an actual, real-life mother!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009


I've got to get this off my chest - quite literally. Damn the consequences, I guess. I haven't been sure about showing vulnerability since I started this blog. I'm still not sure. But if I don't do something, I'll scream!

The breastfeeding is over. Baby Boy is done. I'm not. But there are moments in a mother's life - I'm discovering this, like every parent must - when you're not in charge. As simple as that.

I knew this moment was coming. I knew it was coming soon. I had my own deadline of January 6th - @ 14 months, rather randomly picked. I knew that this wasn't going to last forever. I knew it wouldn't last as long as I wanted it to, either. I knew that from the beginning, which was far from smooth, and through all the hiccups and obstacles along the way.

The moment came yesterday. Actually, it was the culmination of several moments. Yesterday was just the 'grab that darned ostrich by the neck and jank its blissfully unaware head out of the sand already'-moment. So I tore the plaster off. Followed by such a bad migraine that I had to call Man to come home from work so I could go to bed.

Baby Boy was 13 months & 2 days when it happened. A grand score after a bad start. But it might take a while for me to see it that way. Today, it feels like the umbilical cord is truly severed at last. And unlike the first time, it hurts like hell!