whats

There were brief thoughts of blogging daily, and thoughts that lingered longer, about blogging a few times a week. All those thoughts lie abandoned, there where abandoned thoughts go when they're redundant ;) It's a solid week later, and it's okay. I'm okay; still strangely, newly okay with a lot of things these days, and I'm hanging out with it. Getting to know it where it shows up. There's a lot of acquainting myself going on here, and it's... succulent :)

Meanwhile, Summer is still hot and happening in these parts, and I've been documenting! Here are some of the highlights - the condensed version ;)

The slug, as promised - documented in paint and photographed :)

Speaking of wildlife, at 6.15 am last Friday morning, I heard someone's kid screaming. And shout again. And again. Wondering vaguely - while sipping coffee - what parent wouldn't do something about it. Till I realised it was my kid, and that parent doing nothing was me ;) Big drama - a mosquito - "no, there's TWO I think!"... Slapped some stuff on him, hung his mosquito net & left him happy in his tent. He slept until 9.30 am, when I had to actually wake him up! I'm thinking he was awake a while before he shouted for me - pangs of mamma-guilt...

On Saturday, because of snot, I missed the Sketchcrawl Koosje organised in Amsterdam (her blogpost of what I missed is here...). I spent that day getting flowers while reading and watching Squirt and the kid from next door have fun in our blow-up swimming pool - which wasn't necessarily punishment, but I would have preferred to be out sketching! So, I bought myself some new - extremely cheap - cups & drew them to cheer me up.

On Sunday, we went to Leiden, to visit a (boring!) museum, and while I still wasn't feeling entirely wholesome, I sat and drew anyway - because I could :)

The kid is with his grandparents at the moment. He was packed and picked up on Monday, and since he asked for an additional night, I'm not expecting him home until tonight... Luckily I've got this to remember him by ;)

So on Monday, I had time for chores and a drawing ;)

I finalised my attic studio space, too, and found out I didn't need it, per se ;) I've ended up drawing at the coffee table quite a few times, lately, and it's - good. Because drawing is good. And having choice as to where to do it? Is just that, really; choice!

There were two more projects that didn't involve pencils, pens or paint directly:

Squirt's new knotted bracelet that replaced the old one he wore for 18 months (!), and my Inspiration Jar :) If we're friends on FaceBook, you might have added to it already, and I thank you! I intend to continue to draw daily, and there are days when I can't seem to think of anything to draw. Eventhough life is present in abundance, yes. It happens... So this jar will be filled with little slips of paper with words and ideas, along with the name of the person who contributed - and the idea is, I will let you know when I draw one of yours, and let you know where to see it. Because that's the only thing I haven't figured out quite yet ;) There might even be a personal postcard in it for you - so if you want to add your magic to the mix, please do so in the comments section of this post :D And if you're in dire need of ideas to draw? I've got the list on file, and I'm willing to share - in exchange for some extra themes ;)

Nope. This isn't everything. But I'm rethinking the idea of dumping it all in one monster post. I'm going to schedule another one. 

While in quiet mode, this morning, I slowly saw something emerge. About the why of documenting my Summer, or my life, for that matter. And it was eye-opening. And I want to share it. But it warrants its own space, I think. So I'm going to leave it at that, here, for now. You're all updated on the whats of my Summer so far - and I'd love to hear about yours! There's plenty of time for the whys, right?!

Stay cool! Or warm - depending on where you are & your taste in temps ;) Thanks for sharing my Summer with me :)

39

This New Year? 
Not to constantly feel the tugs - big and small - that I SHOULD be things I'm not, but to finally be who I AM.
Yes. Warts & all.
Basically? I want to YAY my warts this year :D


P.S. this is a cut-out from a collage I did back in January. Note to self - and to YOU! - cutting and pasting random words from magazines, composing wisdom by accident, is a great way to cut loose from the crap in your brain ;)

tribute

I have joined beautiful Shannon to retake her amazing e-course Inside Out. I know that's a Big Word, but it's the truth. This course changed my life in 2010.

I wasn't really anywhere, back then. I always knew I 'liked to draw', but I never did. Because I was up to my neck in muck, crap and other self-imposed restricions keeping me from living - as opposed to existing. Really. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. Taking this course opened me up. It was a starting point for everything I've become and accomplished since then. Which is a lot. Still sounding dramatic, I'm well aware. But it's still true.

We've just finished the first week, and I'm... speechless! I always said I wanted to take this course again, and the fact that I'm doing it, now, is synchronicity. I have three words for 2012, and the most important one is FEEL. I want to feel what I do, and what I don't. Where I'm beautiful, and where I'm really not, so much. It's a challenge. I have never really felt my way through anything. I've tried and come close, but it's alien to me, still. This is all - hard to word, and probably worth a blog post all its own if I ever get to it ;) But what's important, what I'm trying to say is...

I thought I was going to do this course to see where I'm going. To find goals, something to dream about, and then make plans. All noble causes in themselves, and who knows, I might even get to that ;) But why I'm really here, now, is to FEEL! I have kept my Art Journal from back then, of course. And I can re-read and re-visit everything I struggled with then. Where I was, what I feared, what I thought my accomplishments and strengths were - and there weren't a lot. It's heartbreaking to read! I feel the desperation that was in almost everything I wrote, apart from being a mamma, pretty much.

And what I'm left with, here and now, is gratitude. Deeply felt. Into my toes and back up again. I have done all that! I'm feeling it! Really deeply realising that - I did all that, I came all this way to be here, where I am. Realising that this is a beautiful place, no matter what's itching at any given time.

Life of course didn't necessarily get easier, but I did. I know, these days, that I'm stronger than I think. That I can find courage to take things on, even when they're scary as hell. And that's a beautiful thing to know. It's a beautiful thing to reconnect with. And an amazing thing to feel!

I can't wait to see what else surfaces. And what I'll draw about it ;) There is always that, since 2010, too ;)

hanging

I finally got round to creating a spot for my witch to hang out!
I went leaf-hunting two weeks ago, spending a couple of awesome hours in the park with Squirt in the Autumn sun. Of course I didn't bring my camera... I wonder what life would be like without something to beat yourself around the ears with, but that's another blogpost ;)

I dried the leaves between tissue paper in a book, and got out my sewing machine yesterday - after the last drags of a stomach bug had left my system. I had wanted to finish these window buntings before Halloween, but didn't. I'm okay with that. Last night's yoga session was amazing, and I'm at peace with the world today ;)

I created them the same way as the one I made two years ago. There is a link (with permission) to a tutorial in that post, although needless to say, I only used the sewing method here :)

After finishing my buntings, there were a couple of leaves and bats left, so I decided to frame them:
I LOVE blue and orange together. Ever since the episode with baby smurf and too many carrots (click & scroll down a little through the post)... There is something so... energising and zesty about this combination :)

By the way, I'm sort of taking part in Art Every Day Month, hosted by Leah Piken Kolidas. But quietly. I probably won't be posting my efforts every day. And I'm okay with that, too. In fact, I'm really, really okay with that :) It means I'm finally reclaiming my power to say 'No!' to myself. Because I have way more ideas than time to accomplish them. And I really liberally ladle stress all over my plate when I have the feeling I committed, so I MUST... So there :) Look for the label 'AEDM 2011 on the QT' :)

I also love the November challenge Shannon came up with - Thirty Days of Giving Thanks. I had this awesome idea of combining the two and make a piece of art based on who or what I'm thanking that day :) Again, I'm saying 'No!' I'm not committing, as such. But I am joining this challenge, quietely, too. Basically, I'm going to do what I can when it feels right :) I'll label these '30DOT on the QT', surprisingly :)

How's all that for soul care, nurture & self-love?! MAN I make me proud ;)

P.S. reserving the right to change my mind - it's all part of being whimsical & colourful ;)

wishpuddle

It was beautiful, it had a tail & all! I don't think I've ever seen a shooting star with a tail before!

So I started wishing for more creative courage, more creative juice, renewed belief in my own unique style, and ended up monologuing in my head. Whether I'd be jinxing my family's health and financial well-being by asking for something so... selfish! A luxury, really. I went back and forth with myself for a while, and just like that, the moment was gone.

I have no idea what the Universe in Its endless wisdom does with multifaceted... wishpuddles. But I'm sure it will be good! I believe that, you know?

Do you think it's selfish to use such a special wishing moment on yourself? It's hours later by now, and I'm still befuddled!

Update:
I just sat, gut-wrenched, through an emergency doctor's visit. Squirt fell down the stairs? off a stair? just slipped? really hard, hitting his head on the marble floor tiles in the hallway - I didn't see it! What sort of a mother am I?! He was all pale and groggy and half out of it... But he seems fine now. Thank the stars - kids get over these things SO much quicker than their mothers!
So of course, here I am, wondering whether he fell because of the above, or whether he's fine, because of the above ;) At times, it's EXHAUSTING, having an active, imaginative mind ;)

collage

All done with the witch :) Cut & pasted, two-sided, and threaded to go up. Somewhere. Somehow. Still have to figure out the rest of it, but this is done :) There are days I'd love to join her, broom off into the great blue yonder... But that's another story, I guess ;)

@ Anne, don't worry, her shoes won't come off, I used decent glue ;)

drugs

oma

Very early on Wednesday morning, my grandma, my oma passed away. Very quietly and peacefully in her sleep. She was 87 years old. She lived a long and full life. She was more than ready to let go.

Goodbye oma, have a save journey. And rest peacefully. I'm saving all my good memories in a little box with a red ribbon. You can take a peek if you want :)