whats

There were brief thoughts of blogging daily, and thoughts that lingered longer, about blogging a few times a week. All those thoughts lie abandoned, there where abandoned thoughts go when they're redundant ;) It's a solid week later, and it's okay. I'm okay; still strangely, newly okay with a lot of things these days, and I'm hanging out with it. Getting to know it where it shows up. There's a lot of acquainting myself going on here, and it's... succulent :)

Meanwhile, Summer is still hot and happening in these parts, and I've been documenting! Here are some of the highlights - the condensed version ;)

The slug, as promised - documented in paint and photographed :)

Speaking of wildlife, at 6.15 am last Friday morning, I heard someone's kid screaming. And shout again. And again. Wondering vaguely - while sipping coffee - what parent wouldn't do something about it. Till I realised it was my kid, and that parent doing nothing was me ;) Big drama - a mosquito - "no, there's TWO I think!"... Slapped some stuff on him, hung his mosquito net & left him happy in his tent. He slept until 9.30 am, when I had to actually wake him up! I'm thinking he was awake a while before he shouted for me - pangs of mamma-guilt...

On Saturday, because of snot, I missed the Sketchcrawl Koosje organised in Amsterdam (her blogpost of what I missed is here...). I spent that day getting flowers while reading and watching Squirt and the kid from next door have fun in our blow-up swimming pool - which wasn't necessarily punishment, but I would have preferred to be out sketching! So, I bought myself some new - extremely cheap - cups & drew them to cheer me up.

On Sunday, we went to Leiden, to visit a (boring!) museum, and while I still wasn't feeling entirely wholesome, I sat and drew anyway - because I could :)

The kid is with his grandparents at the moment. He was packed and picked up on Monday, and since he asked for an additional night, I'm not expecting him home until tonight... Luckily I've got this to remember him by ;)

So on Monday, I had time for chores and a drawing ;)

I finalised my attic studio space, too, and found out I didn't need it, per se ;) I've ended up drawing at the coffee table quite a few times, lately, and it's - good. Because drawing is good. And having choice as to where to do it? Is just that, really; choice!

There were two more projects that didn't involve pencils, pens or paint directly:

Squirt's new knotted bracelet that replaced the old one he wore for 18 months (!), and my Inspiration Jar :) If we're friends on FaceBook, you might have added to it already, and I thank you! I intend to continue to draw daily, and there are days when I can't seem to think of anything to draw. Eventhough life is present in abundance, yes. It happens... So this jar will be filled with little slips of paper with words and ideas, along with the name of the person who contributed - and the idea is, I will let you know when I draw one of yours, and let you know where to see it. Because that's the only thing I haven't figured out quite yet ;) There might even be a personal postcard in it for you - so if you want to add your magic to the mix, please do so in the comments section of this post :D And if you're in dire need of ideas to draw? I've got the list on file, and I'm willing to share - in exchange for some extra themes ;)

Nope. This isn't everything. But I'm rethinking the idea of dumping it all in one monster post. I'm going to schedule another one. 

While in quiet mode, this morning, I slowly saw something emerge. About the why of documenting my Summer, or my life, for that matter. And it was eye-opening. And I want to share it. But it warrants its own space, I think. So I'm going to leave it at that, here, for now. You're all updated on the whats of my Summer so far - and I'd love to hear about yours! There's plenty of time for the whys, right?!

Stay cool! Or warm - depending on where you are & your taste in temps ;) Thanks for sharing my Summer with me :)

autumn

Summer is well and truly over. It has been for a long time. But I haven't been able to find my way back here - until now. Too much has happened - especially in my head - and it all falls into the category Big Stuff. And it's been building in chaos for so long, that I just wasn't able to capture it in words. Or art with a real heart. It wasn't a lack of bravery - I truly believe I'm growing braver and more courageous by the day - but a lack of words. Of not being able to string it all together in a way that makes sense. To you, or me.

Not being entirely clear on what my blog is meant to be all about doesn't help to find my way back. It's about what I make, my art work, my colour struggles; but in the end - as I'm finding in the doing - my art is about meaning. About scratching an itch, about getting stuff out of my head and onto a page, about making some sort of sense of what's going on in my life - in lives in general, of what makes us tick and what weaves the fabric of human life. About what helps when things aren't smooth - like coffee, chocolate and cakes - and about what I look at when I can't see the bigger picture - like flowers, lots of flowers and plants growing roots. That is what ends up on my page, anyway, when things are flowing.

I'm in the middle of finding out - of trying to find out - of finding the courage to try and find out what my illustrations are about. Where my art fits into my life and what I want it to mean, and to whom. In the midst of re-invention, pretty much. I'll get back to that, but that's what makes it hard to confidently, loosely share what comes out of my pen & paint box. In these days of chaos, it's crazy hard to get to my dining room table 'studio'; to start something and to finish it. Nothing I create comes close to what I want to convey, and I feel lost. My muse doesn't dig chaos. She signs off, without leaving a note, to come back when I know what I'm doing. And she wears a fake innocent smile, like she had no idea I needed her. I'm finding out, among other things, that I need to know what's going on to be able to put it into images. And that isn't an excuse - although I've mistaken it for procrastination on numerous occasions. It's simply what is. My illustrations are about me, about where I find myself & what finds me. And when my GPS is off, like it has been for months now, I'm having a really hard time painting myself to be...

And this isn't even the beginning of what I came here to put out into the world, but I'm out of time, and I suppose it's as good a re-start as any ;) I want to be back here, and I will be. Hold a space for me if you can!

brave

Master piece? Yes, I think so :) 

Because I got away with drawing this quite inconspicuously, but... this is a busy corner in Amsterdam, and I got my sketchbook and paint out anyway :D

P.S. Yup. I just noticed... I predated this drawing ;)

bunnies

Bunnies :) Inspired by Carla Sonheim's Artspark tutorial! Except I didn't use a Tombow marker, I used a dip pen and bistre. But what's in supplies? I'm under a self-imposed embargo. I barred myself from the absolutely awesome little supply shop that is entirely too closely around the corner for comfort. For an undisclosed length of time. But it's a good thing. You see, I've got enough stuff. Quite enough. It's a lot of fun to see what you can actually do with all the stuff you've got, instead of running out - not even having to run far enough to be out of breath at the end of it... - and get the next newest best thing :) And that's a bonus bunny. Doing something... uhm... silly. Because Carla has just announced her 4th installment of Silly. And I'm considering it. Of course! After all, an online workshop isn't quite 'new supplies'. Now is it?!

;)