Saturday, January 28, 2012


I have joined beautiful Shannon to retake her amazing e-course Inside Out. I know that's a Big Word, but it's the truth. This course changed my life in 2010.

I wasn't really anywhere, back then. I always knew I 'liked to draw', but I never did. Because I was up to my neck in muck, crap and other self-imposed restricions keeping me from living - as opposed to existing. Really. I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. Taking this course opened me up. It was a starting point for everything I've become and accomplished since then. Which is a lot. Still sounding dramatic, I'm well aware. But it's still true.

We've just finished the first week, and I'm... speechless! I always said I wanted to take this course again, and the fact that I'm doing it, now, is synchronicity. I have three words for 2012, and the most important one is FEEL. I want to feel what I do, and what I don't. Where I'm beautiful, and where I'm really not, so much. It's a challenge. I have never really felt my way through anything. I've tried and come close, but it's alien to me, still. This is all - hard to word, and probably worth a blog post all its own if I ever get to it ;) But what's important, what I'm trying to say is...

I thought I was going to do this course to see where I'm going. To find goals, something to dream about, and then make plans. All noble causes in themselves, and who knows, I might even get to that ;) But why I'm really here, now, is to FEEL! I have kept my Art Journal from back then, of course. And I can re-read and re-visit everything I struggled with then. Where I was, what I feared, what I thought my accomplishments and strengths were - and there weren't a lot. It's heartbreaking to read! I feel the desperation that was in almost everything I wrote, apart from being a mamma, pretty much.

And what I'm left with, here and now, is gratitude. Deeply felt. Into my toes and back up again. I have done all that! I'm feeling it! Really deeply realising that - I did all that, I came all this way to be here, where I am. Realising that this is a beautiful place, no matter what's itching at any given time.

Life of course didn't necessarily get easier, but I did. I know, these days, that I'm stronger than I think. That I can find courage to take things on, even when they're scary as hell. And that's a beautiful thing to know. It's a beautiful thing to reconnect with. And an amazing thing to feel!

I can't wait to see what else surfaces. And what I'll draw about it ;) There is always that, since 2010, too ;)


  1. Hello, Yvonne! First, THANK YOU for all your sweet and nice comments to my drawings. I really appreciate them and I am glad that you like them. Wish I had more time, but, well, at least I know I like it and I enjoy doing it. And also, I like the result (most of the time)! Carla had something to do with that!
    I wish you all the best with this new course.
    And I lOVE the poppy, or is it an anemone, yes, I think it's an anemone. You are great painting the details, the leaves, the bottle!! You really have talent. Go on!!

  2. Isn’t it amazing what we’re capable of when we stop telling ourselves ‘we can’t’? Lovely painting!

  3. Great painting! Crash, bang, happy travelling!

  4. Even in het Nederlands: Bedankt voor je commentaar op m'n rayonhoofden. Nu struin ik door jouw blog en kwam op dit stukje. Het raakt me en intrigeert me. Ik heb iets soortgelijks ervaren, maar niet zo plotseling. Je Engels is erg goed goed en je anemoon is prachtig!


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