It's been a while, the last live feed. The deadline that never was - at 14 months - has come & gone, too. And I just wanted to say: we're doing fine :-)
The first week was difficult. It felt like - heartache. My baby is growing, and won't regress. And that is, of course, a good thing. But there is no such thing as 'taking a short break from breastfeeding'. When it's done, it's done.
It's funny when you think about it. Few things in life are irreversible. We make conscious decisions to break habits or change lanes, but we can almost always revisit, change our minds. If we really want to. But there are things that can't be undone. The first time I really thought about this, was when I got more grey hairs than I could ignore. It's okay - I'm not traumatised by turning grey. But you can't go back. You can dye your hair, but you will always know it's a pretence. But I'm digressing here.
The physical nurturing is over, and that really felt like the end of an era. Thirteen months might not be much of an era, generally speaking, but when it comes to the first steps into a new life as someone's actual mamma - thirteen months is an era alright!
But we've moved on from there. The end of one era is another era's beginning, after all! We had to find a new ritual that would work for both of us. And we have :-D
Every time Squirt wakes up, I get him out of bed and we spend some time in the comfy chair in his room. For as long as we want to. Sometimes as long as half an hour. We cuddle while he fully returns from his dreams, and then we talk. And he plays with my hair. And he points at everything in his room. He claps his hands a few times, scratches his nails over the changing table and puts his head down on my shoulder again. We have a few laughs, he yawns the last bits of sleep away, and when he gets restless, we get up and get on with our day.
And if I were to be really honest? Maybe this new - struggle-free - ritual is even better than the old one!