Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I'm not throwing you a bone - I would never throw you a bone... If you're here and you're reading this - I appreciate you way more than you'll ever know! This is a bone for me... To remind myself that this is a place I like to hang out. To show some movement, even if it's corner-of-the-eye stuff. Because I want to be here more than I am, and I promised myself to keep a candle burning. Seeing that I'm still unable - but trying! - to make it a blazing home fire... ;)

After all that hard stuff, I'm not home quite yet - never mind the blazing fire! I'm not everywhere I want to be. I'm still figuring stuff out. Finding out about what's important to me, and how to make it all fit into my life is hard, hard work. And it takes a strong stomach. I feel queasy, some days, but I'm working on it ;)

And I've been busy. That, too. I've been designing Christmas cards to sell - printed them, dropped them off, to see a few actually sell! - and I drew and painted the above, sort of commissioned! I came up with an idea, showed the initial sketch to my lovely neighbours - who wanted to buy some of my Christmas cards to send to their business clients! - and they paid me to finish it :D

I've got so much to say about - making art to sell. Much of it is philosophical, some of it is about the hard work involved, and most of it is - about me, I guess. Whether I'm ready, to go there and put myself into it and behind it all. Whether it's worth the effort. Whether I actually love it enough. If I'll ever be able to really feel proud - from my toes. But that's another blog post. If I ever find the time ;)

It's interesting to find myself here - with these questions - after promising myself my art is for exploration and for soulwork. For finding the me inside this life. Until it's for something else. I had no idea something else was around the corner when I promised myself to be mindful about it all. But then again - these Christmas cards, this commissioned piece - maybe that's it, maybe that's all. & maybe - perfectly maybe - it's all okay, whatever is next. But I need to get my head to rest around that. And that's the hard part, right now.

So here, in this moment, this is it. Corner-of-the-eye movement, like I promised myself. Just to prove I'm still around. I was here, this morning. Not for long, admittedly, but I did show up!


  1. Sometimes showing up is the hardest part! WONDERFUL painting (and congrats on the commission!) The leaves are just stunning!

  2. Wow, I love that painting, your neighbours are so lucky! I'm curious to see the yoga christmas cards as well!
    I'm glad you showed up. What a warm place to be at.

  3. I agree, showing up is half the battle! I can totally relate to all you've written. That's about how I feel but you have written that much much better than I ever could. Those figs are gorgeous, what a lovely painting! What a nice commission piece!Great post:) Fran Txo

  4. It's so lovely to find you here! And your beautiful:) It's funny I landed on this post. I have been in the mindset of letting so much go. The business side of selling has ruined things a bit for me this year and I want to get back to the stuff that shifts my heart around. The quiet stuff. The stuff without purpose or product or an audience. The stuff between me and my beautiful God, alone, in a studio with four walls and only the sound of the winter snow blowing outside. It was so lovely to be here with you tonight. Thank you for your open heart words. They moved me. XO

  5. That's a wonderful illustration - no wonder the neighbors want to commission you! Keep up the good work! I'm wishing you a peaceful Christmas with a plateful of fun on your lap.


Thanks for letting me in on your thoughts!