Friday, September 2, 2011

convictions

From my Morning Pages this morning;

'Some hope onto this page, into my heart! Because please! These convictions! They - none of them mean anything beyond the boundaries of my flourishing and over-active imagination: not really.
It's a beautiful idea to think of it all along Chinese (medicinal) lines: I'm diagnosing the (in-) balance of NOW & confusing it with ALWAYS!
Right now I'm disappointed & sore & tired. Of course I am! & Right Now can be a long moment - let's say the past 2 years. Almost. It doesn't matter. Right Now - including large chunks of 2010 & '11 - is not Always. It's NOW.
Everything flows & changes. It does. I know it does - of course. The Me who is, now, is the self-same Me who never thought she'd be a mamma, standing upright, here (and all that includes), to make Art! It's not the exact same Me, because we ebb and flow and change - but it's essentially the same lost soul of... 2002, to name a year. So things change, they heal.
If I believe that - and I do, I have to, I live it! - then WHY do my own home-grown + nurtured convictions (especially when I see they change like leaves, over a matter of just days at times!) settle into all that I AM?!
Grieve, cry, be sad about what isn't, sure! Healthy, even!
But to swallow it, to cartilage the whole thing & make it a Truth?! Not a good thing; not okay, not healthy, not helpful!, not necessary & definitely not Truth.

Amazing, awesome & soul-deep!
Focus on & cry for NOW, not Always!
What an insanely simple relief!'

Feeling a whole lot better, when I really didn't think I would, for a long time. I hope it might make you think differently about something you have been holding onto unnecessarily. There is hope, there always is. I don't usually do posts like this, but I needed to fling this out there. It just felt that way!

5 comments:

  1. There is always hope, Yvonne. I send you from here a BIG hug!

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  2. I love your thought that "now" is but a moment even tough it might be a long moment...I'm going through that right now, and it's tough sometimes to remember that now (even if it's several years long) is not forever. I'm glad you posted this!

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  3. Glad you are feeling better, Yvonne! Thank you for sharing your morning pages. It's from The Artist's Way, right? I haven't done it in a while but maybe I will go back...xox

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  4. En carpe diem heb jij ook niet zoveel aan hè? ;-) Erg interessant om te lezen, zulke gedachtengangen, dat wel. Take care :-)

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Thanks for letting me in on your thoughts!