slack

Slak is the Dutch word for snail. Where spelling mishaps turn lethal ;)

It's what I've been doing already, really, cutting myself some slack, but I'm making it official: I'm taking a blog break for the Summer. I could make it huge and tearful, but the truth is - while there have been things I wanted to blog about pretty much daily, I just haven't been able to make it happen. Time... It's all about the constraints of time and everything I want to do. And where those two clash, that's where my blog has been. 

I've been feeling guilty about it - of course - and I'm not promising things will be better soon, necessarily, but I mean for things to be better soon. I mean to find a way to make it all work. In fact, I bought a book called Making It All Work, it's written by David Allen, and I intend to read it. In pockets of time ;) Because it's a recurring theme in my life, really - the fact that not all really works... 

I will be back, because I love sharing my stuff here, and I really love that you guys are out there - reading and telling me what you think. I'm missing it. But I can't keep asking for your attention when I've got nothing to say - there's too much of that going around in the world anyway. So I will be in touch when I've got things - a little more - under control... I'd love to see you then!!

Meanwhile, have a great Summer! Rain, shine or heat waves, I hope you find a way to enjoy what this season brings! Thanks so much for being here & out there!

semblance

Yes, a semblance of something moving here ;) I haven't been here, but I feel like I've been pretty much everywhere else, lately - in my flesh and bones life. And then I sort of crashed, which was inevitable. Or that's how it felt, anyway. But it was good, in a self-help-book sort of way - it was needed. Another reassessment of things and stuff and priorities.

That's all I have to say about it, for now. It isn't much, but at least it's a semblance of something happening ;) As is this drawing! My first in over a week. The stress bit my wrist and my wrist sulked. Is still sulking really. Drawing hurts. But I was sick of it! So there! And, so, ouch...




this is for sure the worst post I wrote in a long time! then again, this is the first post I wrote in a long time. I'm forgiving myself for it. my self-help books say I can ;)

pet

Here's number 2 in Red Parka Diaries' drawing challenge. I drew my pet :D

Okay. I'm stretching it here. This is Shrek's cousin Chilz. He stopped by to pose with some freshly picked dandelions from our backyard (incidentally the only flower blooming there at the moment...), because I wanted to draw him for a birthday card for the neighbour across the street. I wanted Shrek, of course, but he couldn't make it on such short notice. Besides, his fees are ridiculous! And I say, an Ogre is an Ogre, really. When it comes down to it. Not that the neighbour is an Ogre of course. He just likes Shrek. And Chilz, I hope ;)*

Of course, I'm not keeping an Ogre for a pet. I don't think you're actually allowed. Not that rules are always stopping people, but I draw the line at Ogres. For myself, anyway.

Truth is, we don't have a pet. Just a kid. And he's at least as cute and entertaining! I know I could have drawn someone else's pet, but everyone else has a cat. And at the risk of offending - I hate cats. I don't want to stare one in the eye long enough to draw it. They creep me out... So I'm submitting Chilz. As a pet. He said I could ;)

Here's what I did for number 9. And I'm working on number 1 today :)

* I am utterly AMAZED at people (like Koosje!) who are able to draw a character and stick with it, reproducing it in many different poses and surroundings. I can't do it! I can only draw what I see, and if Chilz is evidence, not even that entirely true to the examples in front of me! Obviously, this was meant to be Shrek. But I just couldn't get it right! Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with Chilz, but it just isn't Shrek... Chilz says - nor does he want to be, thanks very much! Shrek is way too busy Being Famous, if you know what I mean. But that's besides the point ;)

scattered

Before anything else: happy New Year! I hope 2012 brings you all that you need, and some of what you want, too ;) I'm going with wabi-sabi here. The beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. How much easier life would possibly be if we accepted these inherent aspects of, well, everything - given time. And saw the beauty in it all. So lofty, but heartfelt a wish :)

This drawing was meant to represent a lack of self-nurture. How pouring out tea and sympathy without taking time to recharge myself was wearing the kettle thin. But I decided I didn't want to go with that description. It's a choice. Self-pity or wabi-sabi. And while I don't feel the bottom of it all quite yet - and heck, I may never ;) - I feel that it's wise to be choosing acceptance and the beauty of imperfection over... well... self-pity. Or putting the intention out there, anyway ;)


Intent, intention, yes indeed. Operative words over here. As in: I need some... Having survived the busy months of November (several birthdays) and December (Sinterklaas and the rest of it), and some marital blisters, I'm struggling to find my feet. Proverbially, of course. I didn't eat that much ;)

It feels like I know where I'm trying to go, approximately, pretty much, the general direction, anyway, but I can't get it into words, into goals, into a workable plan! Like something on the tip of your tongue; you can almost taste it, but it keeps escaping your conscious mind! Hence, canned crap. As in, I've opened a can. Or several ;) While trying to get quiet enough to hear what's buried deep, I keep getting flushed by static, white noise!

I think I've somehow, subconsciously, told myself I need a Schedule towards a Plan to move forward. A Plan and a Schedule. And now that I've swallowed and become my need for a Schedule and a Plan, I'm stalling! In every bloody way! Everything daily life throws at me becomes an Obstacle. A friend being less than kind? It consumes me for 2 (TWO!) weeks, and then I let it fizzle out! My hairdresser moved? It's an Epic Drama that keeps me from writing my morning pages, though I went there only once! Writing a shopping list? It feels like I'm trying to gather courage to write a Great American Novel (and ends in ordering pizza for dinner)! And that's just the tip of the iceberg, but I'll spare you the long version ;)

I'm letting myself, making myself feel scattered! As Patti Digh puts it so neatly, this is my pattern of investing in the story of obstacle instead of the story of yearning. It's a variation on the age-old theme of 'I can't, not before everything else is perfectly arranged!', and it's wearing me out! I'm not reading the books I ordered, with their wisdom inside. I'm not reading my favourite blogs and I'm not writing blog posts either. Well, I didn't, for weeks, and I don't know when I'll be back here again ;) I'm not meditating. I'm not drinking more water. I haven't finished picking out my word(s) for this year. I'm making a mess of things, because I'm scattered. And I'm scattered, because apparantly, I want to be scattered of sorts. Not consciously, maybe, but the proof is in the pudding nonetheless.

The one thing I have been doing is draw. I might not be able to reason myself out of this pickle, but I'm drawing a fine picture of it ;) And there is something to be said for that. Maybe that is my story of yearning for right now. Don't think about it, don't schedule, just draw the pickle. Maybe the rest will come when I'm quiet, really quiet, drawing the mess I like to think I'm in.

I'm going to be running with that one, guys! It's actually the first thing coming out of my overwhelmed January mind that makes me feel easier in my skin! Like drawing my canned crap this morning. I knew it wouldn't solve it all, but it sure was fun ;) I think I'm going to be cutting myself some slack over the next few days, see where it leaves me :)

Does the New Year make you feel giddy with possibility, or are you a little overwhelmed as well? I'd really love to hear how you're coping with the widely proclaimed pristine-ness of it all, so far!

compliment

That's what my husband said to me, once, months ago. That I can be rather blunt. And he's right. There are times when I'm behind closed doors, that I'm not all that interested in being politically correct, in the benefits of doubt, in extenuating or mitigating circumstances. In other words, I'm not always... nice. I can't always let things go. Turn the other cheek. Hide what I really think.

But I don't liberally share my vinegar. I'm getting better at being me these days, at being open about who I am and what I believe in. But I generally don't vent my opinions about any and everything. I'd like to think I'm being honest when it's warranted, when it helps, when it contributes.

Except when I'm not. When I shoot from the hip. It happens. I'd even go as far as saying it happens more often than I'd like to admit. But only behind closed doors. In front of the people I trust most and feel safest with. Which makes it a compliment. It's not a pretty one, or a comfortable one, or even one I'm proud of giving. But it is a compliment. That's what I'm saying, and I'm sticking to it ;)

doing

Just a bit from my Morning Pages that I tried to illustrate. I don't want to give my inner mean guy floor space, so I'm just going to go with... how I love translating what I'm feeling or thinking to an image :) And it makes me feel good, to draw it out, to fill with colour.

I'm constantly feeling challenged when it comes to doing the things I want to do - all the things I want to do! - in the time I have going spare. So I end up doing nothing, at times... What a waste! I need to remind myself that drawing makes me feel good, and energised!
and that I could do with practise ;)

settling

Getting there. Getting here, to this new house. Trying to feel at home. It takes whiles longer than I expected. But my expectations were a tad on the optimistic side of things...

Now that we're done as far as we're going to be done with it all this here year, I'm going to try and get back into my creative groove again. Which is also taking whiles longer than I had hoped. I've been feeling rather drained over the past, hmm, month or so.

I have no idea whether anyone is still checking this space, but if so - hi!! Thanks for sticking it out! Here are some pictures of the living room to tie you over till I get back - again ;)

photo challenge: HAPPY

I thought I'd kept the challenge simple. Photograph what makes you happy. Even amidst chaos & mayhem, there are things that make you happy, right? Or, there should be, to keep you grounded. The important thing is, you should never stop looking for things that make you happy, especially while in the jaws of disorder and dust bunnies, both actual and in the form of dislodged bits of settled life.

And I do actually still see the happy! I would be lying on the floor in one big blubbering heap by now if I didn't. Honestly, yes, I am that dramatic in the face of Big Change. But Squirt keeps me firmly planted in the Now, most of the time. I like to think I'm more realistic and practical these days, since becoming a mamma almost 2 years ago. But still. All I ended up with was a photo of a pizza cooked from frozen (with added banana and jalapenos), after a hard day of sorting, discarding, packing, cleaning...

& a bowl of fresh home-made pesto. So apparently, as far as visible records go, my happiness is in food these days! But it isn't, not really. Although it helps, food. Especially the not quite responsible, greasy kind. My happiness is - as always, really - in the small gestures, the funny remarks, the Big Hugs I get at times. The stuff that doesn't photograph well at all. So I emailed Mridula, and told her I was out of the challenge till the move - The Move - is complete, somewhere near the end of November hopefully.

But my creativity isn't locked completely - granted, it's a tangled heap at times, these days, but it's definitely part of what's keeping me sane(-ish, some might argue)!

And also, I think there is nothing wrong with responding to a challenge saying; 'well, there it is. This is the best I can come up with right now.' So, I'm not out! I'm still in! I can't promise to meet exact deadlines at the moment, but I'll be there with what came up, whatever it is, to publish when I can!

Please look at Mridula's post to see how she interpreted the assignment! She came up with the next challenge, SHADOWS, and the deadline is the 8th of November. I'm going to try to make it there :)

hole

Edit: That little spade is 'mine' because I'm well aware I'm the one who's throwing spanners in my own 'je ne sais quoi' here. That's how I cope - ha ;) I'm really good at rewriting world history & my own when I'm under pressure. And at seeing imaginary bears in the road and in surrounding suburban gardens. I excell at battering my sanity when I stress! But I know the colours are still there - if only I'd look up, and I feel well-armed with that knowledge. I'll be okay :)

still life

Yes. There is still life here. But not much...
Tummy bugs still wreaking havoc.
Tired!
I haven't been able to trap flutters of inspiration for this week's photo assignment either...
I'll catch up - just for fun - later.